Tuesday, 3 April 2012

Compensation, Payoffs & 2009 Re-visited

So, we now have the 'compensation scheme' in place, another minefield for survivors to crawl through, hoops to jump through!
It makes me laugh, really it does, look at the revelations about golden handshakes and payoffs recently, £546,337 for leaving your job, not fired, not made redundant, leaving your job of your own accord before you complete your contract.
Now look at the compensation being offered to survivors of abuse, max payout £66,000, now, in reality, we all know that very few people, if any, will get anywhere near that. The States are gonna try to settle for the least amount possible, I fear a lot of survivors will actually receive less than £10,000.A lot less!
Would you call this justice?
No amount of money can undo what was done, and for a lot of survivors its about recognition more than anything.

I'd like to finish by reposting a blog entry I made in 2009, the only thing that has changed is that I reached the grand age of 50, still searching.

Friday, 15 May 2009

The Search For 'Belonging'

I've had enough! enough of the bullshit, enough of the political posturing, enough of the denial, enough of it all already.
Somewhere along the line during the historical abuse enquiry alot of people seem to have forgotten that more than anything its about people, real people who were once children, children who should have been nurtured, loved, cared for, inspired by and guided into adulthood by those who were employed and trusted to do so. The system that should have protected those children failed miserably.
I'm gonna share with you some of my reality!
As I entered HDLG aged 9 my feelings of rejection overwhelmed me, rejected my my natural mother twice and then by my adoptive parents it didnt take long before I started to believe the adults around me when they said 'you're no good, nobody wants you, you'll never amount to anything'
I never really fit in during my time at hdlg, I didnt have many friends, I was what you would term as a 'loner' moody and withdrawn.
I was the perfect target for those who would abuse me.
I wanted to 'belong', oh god I so craved acceptance from my peers but, apart from a very few, it never happened.
School was the same, especially secondry where the stigma of being from hdlg coupled with my quiet nature made me a target for bullies and off the cuff remarks that really hurt.
Over the years I have craved for that sense of belonging, I have lived on the streets in London, become part of the drug scene, stumbled from one failed relationship to another, been a punk, been a biker, joined an outlaw bike club and been to prison, I even spent a year in a hari krishna temple but through it all I just wanted to be accepted and belong.
Even now, aged 47, I still crave that acceptance, but those words still haunt me,
'you're no good, nobody wants you, you'll never amount to anything'

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