Monday, 15 December 2008

IS IT BECAUSE I'M A MAN ?

As you may have gathered from previous posts I was once a resident of Haut De La Garenne, the children's home at the centre of the historical abuse inquiry in Jersey. I am a 'survivor', in other words I was the victim of abuse in various forms.

Now I've got that out of the way I want to talk about child abuse in relation to the male sex. Actually no, I'll rephrase that to the treatment received by male survivors of abuse.
Why is it still seen as some kind of taboo subject?
well, maybe because we (boys/men)are expected by society to be 'strong'. Alot of male abuse victims never speak of their abuse even though it can and has had an enormous impact on their lives, I have known it to drive some to suicide, some to be emotionally scarred and unable to have a 'normal' relationship of any kind and yes some to become abusers themselves.
I myself never spoke to anyone about what happened to me for some 30 odd years. Not even my now ex wife whom I spent around 15 years with knew.
WHY?
well to put it simply 'Shame'. The very thought of having to admit that it happened, to admit that as a man I had once been vulnerable or 'weak'. And the fear of the finger pointing, the knowing look on a strangers face, of being labelled as 'dirty' and most of all the fear of being called a liar (again!).
Yes, I am a survivor of abuse, but does being male make it somehow different to if I was a woman? I think not, abuse is abuse and its time society realised that male abuse does exist and more than they will ever know unless they make it less of a taboo and encourage the victims to talk about it without fear of being persecuted.

1 comment:

  1. Hi Ozzy

    No it is not because you are a man!!!!!!

    I know where you are coming from, but to my mind it doesn't matter what sex you are.

    Everyone who has been abused feels this way irrespective of their sex. Some carers & parents drum it into you that it is something that you should be ashamed of, a dirty little secret that somehow you are responsible for. It is their disgusting way of shutting you up. They try to convince you that it is normal behaviour.

    I was over twelve before I came to understand that certain things where anything but normal.

    Abuse is abuse no matter what form it takes and I feel it is gross that anyone should feel ashamed for being abuse through no fault of their own. Makes me feel sick to the pit of my stomach, normal decent people don't think in this warped way! End of!

    Thank you for posting the picture details on Stuarts Blog, I have put a link to your blog on my blog at http://lcorby.wordpress.com so more people can find you.

    ReplyDelete

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